Hip Hop Hypocrisy

From Sinatra to Imus, some things never change

2007-04-12T09:06:00.000-06:00

Among the many emails and phone calls we've received about the Imus mess, the following note from Donna Marie's sister, Janice Miller, was definitely among the most provocative.

Years ago I attended a reception with a few other ladies from my church. The local band of middle-aged African American men were playing an old tune that I recall my parents used to listen to.

Although I didn't remember the words, I knew the melody, so I grabbed the hand of a friend who loves to dance as much as I do, and we cut a couple of steps. I noticed the lead vocalist watching us, probably because we were the only two people on the dance floor. As we connected eye to eye, it seemed like he was having fun singing to me:

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight
She likes the theater and never comes late
She never bothers with people she'd hate

... until he came to the refrain, That's why the lady is a tramp.

The singer and I shared an awkward moment. He dropped his eyes and I left the floor. We were having such lighthearted fun that the insult that repeated throughout this beloved classic as the hook unexpectedly stung us both.

Just like Imus' slur against the scholar-athletes of Rutgers University didn't make sense, this song doesn't make sense. In every stanza, Frankie seems to describe a decent woman. She doesn't gamble, she's punctual, she doesn't gossip, and despite the fact that she's broke, she's not a golddigger. Yet he still slaps us with that line, That's why the lady is a tramp.

When I first heard about Imus' slur against Rutgers' basketball team, I focused more on the word 'nappy' and was less than moved. Poor taste, yes. Ain't yo business 'bout our hair, yes. But ho?! YIKES!

With all due respect to people who sell their bodies for sex (prostitutes) and those who freely give away their bodies for sex (whores), women who behave in these ways have, throughout time, found themselves in extreme categories that carry plenty of negative connotations. These words should never be used casually, and never on women who haven't proclaimed themselves as such.

My heart felt it when Frank Sinatra and writers Rodgers and Hart forced the singer to call me a tramp. I still remember how degrading it felt, even though it was 10-15 years ago.

I value dignity highly, and name calling ruins that for everyone involved. Let's protect it in ourselves and each other.

Where there's smoke...what's easier than taking candy from a baby?

2007-04-12T07:40:00.000-06:00

The following post is from guest author and contributor to Hip Hop Hypocrisy, Ron "Kwesi" Harris.

Over the years the tobacco industry, through slick advertising and marketing, has woven its long string of avoidable death into the fabric of America.

Even James I condemned it as a "heathen fume." The king reputedly became ill after his first attempt at smoking. He warned his subjects that smoking led to depravity and stated that it is "a custom loathsome to the eye--hateful to the nose--harmful to the brain--dangerous to the lungs--and, in the black stinking fumes therof, nearest resembling the horrid Stygian fumes of the pit that is bottomless."

By playing on the ideal of wholesome and robust lifestyles, the tobacco industry has created an image of positive, delightful indulgence in the highly detrimental consumption of tobacco products. These insidious practices are presented in highly visible eye-level ads in stores and service stations that offer various "prize rewards" for the consumer. Tobacco corporations have reaped tremendous profits. For the new smoker, these tactics appear to offer money saving benefits as well as the added special "prizes" for consumer patronage.

These multinational corporations have been and are major contributors to many social and entertainment events that attract public interest and, most importantly, media coverage. This strategy provides the greatest exposure to the consumer while impacting a broad and diverse demographic base.

Products designed for consumption must appeal to the consumer in very significant ways. The product must look good, smell good or taste good. These are the three basic areas by which the “uneducated consumer” is inclined to select a product. The psychology of sales recognizes this consumer as a great prospect and loyal customer. Consumer bases come as a result of targeting by corporate marketing. Advertising strategies are determined by geography, age and lifestyle.

Some tobacco products are designed to appeal to the sense of taste; they use flavor additives, including chocolate, mints, fruits, and crème flavors. Contrary to corporate claims, they are designed with the youthful consumer in mind. In the world of retail sales, the young customer is like a baby. Taste greatly determines and influences consumption. There are flavored medicines, cereals, etc. designed to appeal to the young.

So what's easier than taking candy from a baby? Answer: giving candy to a baby!

Oh really? Snoop vs. Imus

2007-04-12T06:50:00.000-06:00

According to Snoop Dogg, he and other rappers have taken the high road in their use of negative labels for black women. Here's what he had to say about the Imus' mess (source: MTV.com):

"It's a completely different scenario. [Rappers] are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about ho's that's in the 'hood that ain't doing sh--, that's trying to get a n---a for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain't no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them mutha-----as say we in the same league as him."

Can you say "confusion in the hood?"

Call CSI!

2007-04-11T08:51:00.001-06:00

I recently read a report by Phillip Jackson in which he stated, “There is no longer a need for dire predictions, hand-wringing, or apprehension about losing a generation of Black boys. It is too late. In education, employment, economics, incarceration, health, housing, and parenting, we have lost a generation of young Black men. The question that remains is will we lose the next two or three generations, or possibly every generation of Black boys hereafter to the streets, negative media, gangs, drugs, poor education, unemployment, father absence, crime, violence and death?”

After reading the latest dismal stats relating to the educational and social conditions bearing down on young African American men, it’s clear to me that a crime has been committed. A crime so terrible and inhumane the term holocaust wouldn’t be accurate enough to describe its totality. After sharing this information with my twin brother he asked me, "Where's the yellow tape that police use to put around a crime scene?"

There are many TV shows that feature the antics of crime scene investigators (CSIs). Seemingly, they’re able to solve every crime ever committed, from the most minute to the most heinous, based on the slightest scraps of evidence.

Despite the preponderance of evidence gathered by educational and social services CSIs from coast to coast -- low test scores, high drop out rates, high incarceration rates, high illiteracy rates, poor housing, poverty, broken families, high STD rates, teen pregnancy rates, drug abuse and alcoholism rates -- the mystery of why our children are not succeeding in life has yet to be solved.

My brother said, "There should be yellow police tape around every school in the hood, every prison, and I dare say, many churches. There should be chalk outlines drawn around those good brothers who do the right things but are victims of stereotypes just because they are African American men."

Do we need even more evidence to tell us why our children are not performing academically and socially? Then here's what we need CSIs to investigate:
1. Why in the hell African Americans continue to call each other niggas/niggaz/niggers.
2. Why young black males sag their pants -- despite the fact that saggin' spelled backwards is niggas.
3. Why young black male students have the worst grades, the lowest test scores, and the highest dropout rates of all students in the country. When these young black men don’t succeed in school, they are much more likely to succeed in the nation’s criminal justice and penitentiary system. There are more black men in prisons and jails in the United States (about 1.1 million) than there are black men incarcerated in the rest of the world combined.
4. Why don’t we as black men unite to overcome the many systems of oppression, suppression, and racism.
5. Why far too many black men are cowards when it comes to marriage, fatherhood, and parenthood.
6. Why we allow hip hop gangsters to pollute the minds of our children under the guise of entertainment.

We need to take that yellow tape and tape shut the mouths of profane artists, lazy parents, conniving preachers, loud-mouthed racists, corrupt and lying politicians, and brainwashed educators, all of whom continually contribute to this on going crime against humanity.

The Don Imus mess

2007-04-10T07:30:00.000-06:00

Donna Marie here. Just had to put in my 2 cents on this Imus (or I-missed, as Coach Powell says) issue.

Commercialized gangsta hip hop was the worst thing that could have ever happened to race relations in this country. Why? Because commercialized gangsta hip hop has given racist whites a new language to express ugly, old beliefs about African American people. As we all know, words have power.

This morning I drove my teen daughter and her friend to school. With all the social chaos that Coach and I report, it's easy to forget that kids are still kids, and that they're beautiful. Wearing jeans and gym shoes, hair up in ponytails, backpacks stuffed with books and notebooks, the girls got out of the car, said bye to me, waved to friends, and went to their first class of the day.

I can also imagine the young ladies on Rutgers' basketball team in similar scenes -- rushing to class, studying for tests, hanging out with friends -- in addition to their demanding training and play schedule. You've got to be pretty disciplined to play ball and keep up with classes.

These are the 'nappy headed hos' Imus referred to. These athletes, my girls, all of our girls.

No one deserves to be called ugly names, especially the women of Rutgers. I assume these young athletes are NOT turning tricks or smoking crack. They didn't deserve to be called that. For God's sake, they're in college, getting an education, playing a sport they love. Why condemn them for that? Even when they're doing right, in America's eyes, they're wrong.

The banter between Imus and his executive producer wasn't funny. It was cruel, and it was part of a pattern of racist attacks against black people on this show.

Thank you, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Coach Powell. As a woman, I appreciate your strong, uncompromising stand against Imus and MSNBC (which has no diversity in its programming). I appreciated it so much when Rev. Jackson said, "Sure, we'll accept Imus' apology -- and his resignation." MEN need to speak out on behalf of these young women -- all of our girls.

Coach Powell told me this morning that a rapper came out in support of Imus last night. Figures. He said Imus was only making a joke. 2 fools thinking alike.

I talk to my daughter and her friends (to the point of their fatigue) about commercialized gangsta rappers and their women-hating messages. Unfortunately, our children have been so inundated and desensitized by 'bitch this' and 'ho that' in rap music, they often don't realize that they've just been verbally slapped and abused. There may be no physical scars, but time will tell about the emotional damage inflicted on our children and young people by artists who look just like them.

Indeed, Hip Hop Hypocrisy reports many studies that have uncovered the mental, social, emotional, academic, sexual, and spiritual/moral damage done to our youth, girls and boys, in large measure by the culture of commercialized gangsta hip hop.

I appreciate that popular radio host Tom Joyner at least asked the question: "Is there a difference between the degrading remarks made by radio host Don Imus and those of popular rap artists with misogynist lyrics?" Most of the respondents believe there is a difference. I guess I'm in the minority. I don't want our girls called bitches or hos by anybody -- their next door neighbor, their favorite gangsta rapper, or Don Imus.

It's easy to cry out against Imus and his ilk, but let's not stop there. Any gangsta rapper who calls women names is just as bad as Imus. Let's stop giving these guys a pass because they're black. Wrong is wrong, no matter what color.

I challenge young African American women, and all others of goodwill, to radically revolt against this hostile music that gives racists even more ammunition. You don't have to carry signs and march (although feel free if you're so moved). Don't support music that lyrically abuses you in any way. Your self-esteem is at stake.

Don't buy the lyrical abusers' CDs, don't buy their gear, don't go to these guys' concerts, don't watch their videos, don't memorize the lyrics to their songs, and don't dance to their tunes.

The Imus mess has revealed a disturbing connection between white male psychology and commercialized gangsta hip hop. Black gangstas and white men in bed. Strange bedfellows. We may have thought the tv commercials with the white guy jerking his head to a gangsta rap tune amusing, but Imus showed us that there's something sinister lurking behind that image. It's not funny at all.

Dads and their little girls

2007-04-09T07:09:00.001-06:00

They say it’s a man world, but where would we be without our little girls? That was the question running rampant in my brain after attending a luncheon for fathers and daughters (K-3) at my granddaughter's all-girls school.

The day was cloudy and gray, but as our little girls were ushered into the gymnasium, the sunshine magically appeared, at least in the eyes of all the men present, myself included. Smiles, cheers, applause, and pride joyfully came from every father, grandfather, uncle, big brother, mentor, and minister in the house. It was a Kodak moment.

As each girl ushered her beloved male figure to his seat, I couldn't help but think of all the girls who couldn't bring their fathers to the event for reasons ranging from work schedule conflicts to the bitter state of many black families. Countless studies have uncovered a litany of issues girls encounter early on and later in life as a result of being fatherless. Hypersexual behavior, poor school performance, and aggression are only a few.

Hip hop coined the terrible phrases "my baby's mama" and "my baby's daddy." Our daughters (and sons) are suffering the negative effects of a culture that values the hook up over marriage. The young black men out there who are trying to do the right thing have been overshadowed by their hip hop peers -- the ones with the baby-daddy image who show severe symptoms of Prolonged Adolescent Syndrome (see Hip Hop Hypocrisy, p. 27).

Nonetheless, parents today love their children.

At the luncheon, we men broke away from all the negative stereotypes that follow black men into fatherhood. Not only did we support our own girls that day, we 'adopted' those girls who had no father present. My granddaughter escorted 2 classmates to our table and introduced me as Papa. She told her friends that I was a great Papa and that I could be their Papa for the day.

Soon their frowns turned into smiles, and we all enjoyed our lunch of grill cheese, French fries, and apple sauce together. A meal fit for kings and their little princesses.

The March sadness of public schools

2007-03-19T07:06:00.001-06:00

It's March Madness, America's unofficial sports holiday! All work comes to a halt as we sports fanatics watch university and high school teams from coast to coast chase their dream to be Number 1. We love the blood, sweat, and tears as they pursue various championships. Parents scream, coaches yell at referees, and athletes push it to the limit. Everyone knows what's on the line.

Or do we?

After the basketball teams of Ohio State and my own Dunbar High School pushed me to within seconds of a heart attack, I had to step back and put it all in perspective.

There's another March Madness, one we sinfully, and conveniently, forget about. This is the time in which students across the country begin preparations for the big one: the state proficiency test, the SAT, ACT, or exit exam.

Where are the crowds cheering our children on?

Where are the parents screaming, you can do it!

Where are the cameras as students prepare and take their tests--their eyes wide, palms sweating, and hearts pounding?

For too many students, this time of year has become March Sadness. Networks pump millions into covering athletes running with balls, kicking balls, hitting balls, and putting balls into baskets, yet those same folks refuse to support a tax level that would give a child a shot at life via education.

March Sadness 2007 sees more of the same; schools both private and public are falling short and the shot clock for students is running out. We are more concerned with high flying dunks than low flying flunks, starting fives instead of jumpstarting minds, PPAs (points per average) instead of GPAs and who's making 3s instead of who's earning 3.0.

The Nation's Report Card compiled by the National Assessment of Educational Progress reports the following dismal statistics:

"In 2005, the average reading score for high school seniors was 286 on a 0–500 scale. This score was lower than in 1992, although it was not significantly different from the score in 2002. With the exception of the score for students performing at the 90th percentile, declines were seen across most of the performance distribution in 2005 as compared to 1992."

"In 2005, female twelfth-grade students scored 13 points higher on average in reading than male students."

"The average reading score for female students was lower in 2005 than in either 1992 or 2002."

In mathematics, "Gaps between white and minority students [are] unchanged. Scores for both White and Black students have declined since 1992. Apparent declines since 1992 for other racial/ethnic groups were not statistically significant. The percentages of students performing at or above proficient have decreased since 1992 for White students, but showed no significant change for other racial/ethnic student groups."

In mathematics, "Asian/Pacific Islander students scored higher on average in 2005 than the other four racial/ethnic groups. The average score for White students was higher than the scores for Black, Hispanic, and American Indian/Alaska Native students. Hispanic students scored higher on average than Black students."

These declines have occurred since the implementation of No Child Left Behind! We should be hit with a technical foul. We're mad for basketball but not for the academic glory of our children.

It's time for all of us to put public education in a time out and reconsider our game plan.

2007-03-15T09:12:00.000-06:00

Hi Friends,

Coach Powell is out of the country, but when he returns he'll have a lot to share about the impact of hip hop on youth overseas.

Donna Marie

Miracles at the end of Black History Month

2007-03-05T10:09:00.001-06:00

I'll never forget the last week in February. It was a week of continuous miracles.

The 8th graders
I was asked to speak to 300 8th graders about school and life challenges without sounding like a broken record at La Porte Junior High School in La Porte, Texas. These 8th graders were so laid back I had to change my approach on the spot. After a couple of minutes of ice breakers (jokes), they finally came around.

My favorite balloon exercise got them thinking right away about how tough school and life can become once you lose focus. I asked them, "How many of you know people who come to school and you wonder why they bother?" All hands shot up.

Next I asked, "How many of you know a student who is a joke, but he doesn't know he's a joke?" All hands went up to the backdrop of loud laughter. After they calmed down, I told them to ask themselves, "Were they thinking of me? Am I a joke?" Then it got real quiet. They were thinking. Soon we were talking about decision making skills and how friends can easily lead you astray. That was my first miracle.

Why was it hard for this group to warm up to me? It's simple. What 8th grader wants to hear a middle-aged man tell them something they feel they already know? I didn't talk at them. I listened first, then had a talk with them. Trust is a big issue for young people. Once I got them to trust me the rest was easy. Frowns became smiles. Participation was high. Whenever I asked for volunteers to help with exercises, nearly everyone raised their hand.

The 7th graders
350 of them. They came into the room with that look in their eyes that said, "Man, you better be funny or we're going to let you have it."

After the first two minutes I realized I was in the room with geniuses. They were a very engaging group with plenty of energy and school spirit. Before you knew it we were singing my greatest hits:
"School is my job and I can't afford to be fired from my job!"
"Fly my way to an A!"
"When I grow up I want to be like you!"

7th graders love to front like they're tough, but most are soft as cotton. Entertainers love to catch them at this age and turn them inside out. This is why we must work hard to keep them focused on their mission in school. We must help them set and reach goals. They shook my hand and gave me high fives and said thank you a million times over. 7th graders, respectful and thankful. It was a miracle.

The 3rd, 4th and 5th graders
I'd been waiting for my last group all day. I had that pre-game excitement I used to get back in my coaching days. So when 450 3rd, 4th and 5th graders from three feeder schools marched into the gym, I thought, "Lord, help me!"

What to do with 450 highly energized youth? Have fun! And we did. They gave me their full attention for 90 minutes. No one snoozed or snored or yawned. They were great.

These young scholars made me pull out my inner-coach like never before. I played the piano while they sang the chants and songs that I had just taught them. The show stopper was a tune I wrote just for their age group entitled "Teachers make the world go round." They sang their hearts out. Several students volunteered to come up to the microphone and tell one teacher publicly, "Thank you for helping make my world go round."

All 450 students would have spoken if we hadn't cut it off. Man, it was touching and beautiful. I saw tears in teachers' eyes. It was a miracle.

We must do all we can to help foster a healthy and caring relationship between teachers and students in the primary grades. This will help in the long-term, when students get into the critical middle school and high school years.

The cab driver
While on the airplane flying from Houston to Austin, Texas, I gave thanks to God for allowing me to witness three wonderful miracles. Little did I know I was about to be involved in yet another.

Tired and worn out from a long day of high energy work, I hailed a taxi at the Austin airport. One taxi sped away as I walked up. Before I could get upset, another pulled up. The driver was reading a book, so I tapped on the window to get his attention. He got out of his taxi to help me, and man, was I thankful.

I told him where I needed to go and he said "no problem" in a strong West African accent. He placed a bookmark in the book and took off.

It was at the moment I caught a glimpse of the book cover and title. It was my new book, Hip Hop Hypocrisy! This was a first!

I innocently asked him about the book. He said it was about the effect of today's music on the minds of young people. He said it was great!

He said he had heard the author on the radio, breaking down the lies of hip hop. Even the rapper on the show (Yung Joc) gave him props after he explained the real deal to them.

I have to admit I was enjoying myself. With a big smile I showed him my I.D. and told him I was the author.

You never know where your next lesson will come from. That brother educated me about the global influence of commercial hip hop and how it was as much a virus as HIV. He challenged me to not comprise my views for money and fame. He said, "Be true to your mission and God the almighty and the ancestors will watch over and protect you."

This man's words inspired me in so many ways. I dedicated my lecture at Huston-Tillotson University to him, and then we did my chant, "I want to free the African in me."

Oh, and one more miracle. That lecture, inspired by a brother from the Motherland, opened the eyes of many students regarding the bomb that gangsta rap had dropped on their generation. Because they grew up during the gangsta rap era, they are totally invested in it. If you speak against it, they become defensive. So to get them thinking in another direction was nothing short of a miracle. Many students told me that they had come to the lecture prepared to let me have it, but thanks to the miracle, they are beginning to see things differently now.

Miracles do happen, even in hip hop.

Black History Month reflections

2007-02-28T16:46:00.000-06:00

Sorry folks! I've been off the blog for a while, but a brief battle with the flu (which I lost) and being stuck in airports had a lot to do with my absence.

Most of my visits in February were centered around Black History Month activities. The weather wiped out more than half of my speaking engagements but not my enthusiasm to share with students the rich history, culture and experiences of African American and African people.

How do you interest the youth of hip hop in their history? Where do you start with a group that thinks their history begins with American slavery? Who do you tell them about first? How do introduce them to the thousands of heros and sheros outside of Dr. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman? How do you respond when they say, "Those African kings and queens ain't got jack to do with me!" For them, Tupac and Biggie Smalls and other living and dead gangsta hip hop icons are the real deal because of their bank accounts, cars, cribs and ho's.

February is a short month, but with the ill feelings in the hip hop community against our history, for some it's not short enough.

As painful as their view is, it's not entirely their fault. We parents, educators and ministers have failed them. How many times have you seen the same tired images year after year hanging on the walls of schools and churches? You would think that black people haven't birthed a hero or shero since the civil rights movement.

By the way, have you noticed how the images of great African leaders, kings and queens (with the beer logo in the lower right corner) can only be found on the walls of the local barber shop?

All is not lost! During a recent visit to Fort Wayne, Indiana, I encountered a group of young warriors at the SBA Academy-Wisser Park Youth Center. They performed a tune entitled "Bring Black Back." In the words of hip hop, it was off the hook!

The performers sang and rapped about the days of pride, brother/sisterhood and respect for the elders. They encouraged their peers to pull each other up instead of pulling one another down. They chose to utilize hip hop in a positive way, the way of the people. They made both Africans and African Americans from today to yesterday proud of our history.

'Hip hop, art or poison?'

2007-02-22T13:01:00.001-06:00

Today I was a guest on Dr. Lorraine Jacques-White’s highly-rated, Atlanta-based radio program Power Talk on WAKO-AM. Also on the program were rapper Yung Joc and R&B singer/actor Monica.

The topic of the show was "Hip Hop, Art or Poison?”

Whenever I speak about the devastating impact of gangsta rap/hip hop on the cognitive, spiritual, psychological, and sociological development of children, I touch a nerve. Today was no exception. Folk don’t like it when you mess with their Kool-Aid, even if it’s got poison in it.

Gangsta rap didn’t cause the problems we face in our community, but it hasn’t done anything to help. In HHH, we document studies that have found that prolonged exposure to commercialized gangsta rap/hip hop music causes behavioral, classroom management, and academic problems.

I ran down the commercialization of the term “nigger/nigga/niggaz.” Nigger essentially means "beast," and widespread use of nigger in rap prevents us from calling each other brother, sister, cuz, blood, or any other endearing term as we did in the 1960s.

Rap has taken us back a hundred years to a time when it was okay to call a black man a nigger. We fought to change that mindset in whites without realizing that we needed to change our own minds first.

It’s hard to get these young artists to understand the damage they’re doing to children. Really all of us, black or white, young or old. Yung Joc said it's about getting paid. Rappers only see dollar signs, and they think that justifies everything they say and do in public.

Rappers don’t want to be role models, but they don’t have a choice. Children love their rapper idols and they imitate everything they do. Getting paid does not justify the lyrical treatment of females as sex objects and the lyrical killing of males.

We talked about sex and misogyny in the music. Monica said it’s the girl’s choice to dance sexually in a music video. That’s true, but what about the impact on our children? What are boys and girls learning about each other when they watch these videos? No one wants to deal with these questions.

If this sexually explicit, violent music was aired late at night or solely on a pay-on-demand channel like most other pornography, then we wouldn't focus so much on the children. But as we all know, children can hear this music early in the morning and right after school. Despite FCC regulations against indecent programming, there has been no protection for them or concern about their development. Somehow, someway the music of Lil' Kim, 50 Cent, and other hard core gangsta rappers have found a friend in urban radio and TV.

Media pedophilia & psychomedia perpetrator disorder

2007-02-20T16:26:00.000-06:00

Today, my editor and co-writer, Donna Marie, submits the following post from her Sensual Celibacy blog:

The American Psychological Association released a report yesterday that analyzed 300 studies over the past 18 months dealing with media's packaging of girls as sex objects. Over the next few days I'm going to review the findings and report back to you.

First, let me explain today's headline. Media pedophilia is the low down, lecherous use of girls as sexual commodities. Media is that sociopathic pimp that packages and markets highly inappropriate sexual images of girls to viewers, consumers, and the girls themselves. The sexy girl is so ubiquitous in media we now think she's normal. So do our girls.

Psychomedia perpetrator disorder is a term Coach Powell created. It means "media copycatting" or imitating behaviors promoted in media. Media pedophilia and psychomedia perpetrator disorder go hand in hand.

When my own book, Sensual Celibacy, first came out in 1999, the reception was lukewarm. Reviews were positive, but my target audience, single women, had mixed feelings about the issue. In fact, unless they were of faith, they really didn't want to discuss it. Naively, I was shocked.

Whenever and wherever I spoke, women unleashed their anxiety, anger, depression, and irritation on me because I had the nerve to suggest that if you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting the same result (definition of insanity). A message board suggested that something was wrong with me for practicing celibacy. I agree! I was miserable in "relationships" that were going nowhere but to bed.

Looking back I realize my sistas were mad but not necessarily at me. I was just the messenger, and you know what happens to the messenger. The celibacy message is hard to take because it puts responsibility for your love life in your own hands. Can't blame the man anymore.

Interestingly, the group that really hungers for guidance is teen girls. Whenever I speak to girls about relationships, celibacy, and virginity, I have a rapt audience. ESPECIALLY if they've had sex!

From what sexually active girls tell me, and the studies are providing evidence, they regret having had sex. Yet, nowhere in the media will you see commercials or sitcom characters express this sad revelation.

If adults find sexual responsibility a challenge, why would we think our girls (and boys) would know what to do with their raging hormones? It's up to us to teach them and protect them from harmful images and themes. If we don't, we'll have only ourselves to blame for losing an entire generation.

(Sensual Celibacy is available at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.)

Words of wisdom

2007-02-14T10:24:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking to 3 groups of students at George Wogaman Elementary School in my home town of Dayton, Ohio. The goal in all of my workshops is to help students understand the value of their education, because if there’s no buy-in, there’s no excellence or personal responsibility. The following are some things we discussed.

Group 1, 7th-8th graders: School is a contact sport, so hit the books and expect to be hit with intellectual challenges! Students must be in shape intellectually, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and morally in order to perform well in school. I encouraged them to do mental push-ups (do homework, take notes), emotional sit ups (self-restraint, anger management), and spiritual jumping jacks (respect for teachers/parents, self-respect, personal responsibility, character development).

Group 2, 5th-6th graders: Teachers can change your life. When you let your teachers teach you how to read, they’ve just set you free. When they teach you how to write, they’ve just saved your life. When they inspire you to use your mind, they’ve just made you wise. So respect your teachers. Thank them when they push you to the limit.

Group 3, 3rd-4th graders: I love working with young children because it’s like play time. I use my original jingles and games to plant seeds about personal responsibility and valuing education. Because our children love music, teachers tell me this is a highly effective approach. Yesterday I played the piano while the students sang. Man, that was scary considering I haven’t played in public in years. But the kids didn’t complain that I missed a note or two. I left them with the message, “School is your job and you can’t afford to be fired from your job!”

Chickens coming home to roost

2007-02-13T10:14:00.000-06:00

My writing partner, Donna Marie, posted the following on her Sensual Celibacy blog. Check it out.

A serious generation gap exists between mothers and daughters, especially in the area of sexuality. Baby boomer mothers came of age during the free love era. We explored our sexual powers openly. We thought we could have sex like men—with no emotional consequences.

We discovered the hard way that sex without love, monogamy, and commitment is a disaster waiting to happen. So we try to teach our daughters about being careful and protecting the heart.

Thanks to the slippery slope of free love and today’s pornographic society, our daughters aren’t buying it. Just as we refused to listen to our mothers, they refuse to listen to us. Peers and teen celebrity idols command their attention--the blind leading the blind.

The mixed messages are so confusing. In pop star Fergie’s song “Fergalicious,” she says she’s not promiscuous, but have you seen the video? I guess she just needed a word to rhyme with Fergalicious.

Back in the day, if you dressed explicitly, you were a slut. Today, dressing explicitly is high fashion. For a minute, X-rated rapper Lil’ Kim seemed to be featured in every other issue of Vogue magazine wearing her pasties and little else. This is high fashion? The editors couldn’t find any another young African American celebrity with her clothes on?

GQ anointed gangsta rapper 50 Cent as one of their men of the year. They couldn’t find a celebrity who believed in family and not killing one another?

A pimp used to be a guy who sold prostitutes on the street for money. Today, a pimp is anyone who has sexual power over others. It’s nothing for teens to call each other pimps, bitches, and hos.

Is this just youth culture sowing wild oats? Or have our children been so infected by pornography smeared on their cell phones, iPods, TV ads, music videos, video games, and fashions that we are helplessly witnessing a generation-wide death of the spirit?

Sexonomics formula

2007-02-07T11:23:00.001-06:00

My editor, Donna Marie, tells me that years ago, following the release of her book Sensual Celibacy (http://www.sensualcelibacy.blogspot.com/), she began to realize that there was a connection between a person’s sexual behavior and his/her financial status. She said it took 2 years, but God gave her the word that perfectly describes this relationship: Sexonomics.

Sexonomics came up yesterday in Natchez, Mississippi, where I talked to several hundred 9th graders about their sexual behavior. I asked them to think about this: if your life is worth a million dollars, how much will it be worth after having sex with people who don’t care about you, don’t like you, don’t know you? How much are you worth after the baby bills, hospital bills, and loss of educational and career opportunities? How much are you worth after your heart takes a beating?

How much do you value yourself?

Economists have formulas for figuring out the GNP. Here’s my Sexonomics formula for figuring out the financial impact of unprotected, unmarried sex too soon. Since education is a factor in earning potential, the formula includes some academic correlations to teen sexual behavior.

(Sex) x (No Protection + No Marriage + No Prenup) – (Unemployment + Underemployment + GED/No Diploma/Illiterate/Low Skills) – (Child Support + Dating Expenses + Baby Expenses) = Poverty Potential: No Assets (Land/Real Estate), No Cash, In Debt, No Stock Portfolio, Welfare, Food Stamps, Medical Card, Section 8, Fake Bling Bling, Vicarious Living Through Rappers' Pretend Lifestyles (vs. Living Your Own Life to the Fullest), Taking the Bus/Begging Rides from Others, No Tithing/Giving, No Retirement Plan, Criminal Activities to Generate Cash, Gambling/Playing the Lottery, No Money/Only Debt to Pass on to Future Generations

In The Millionaire Next Door, the authors explain how having sex with one partner, in marriage, forever (no divorce), builds wealth. This is also Sexonomics and the formula reads:

Sex + 1 Wife/Husband for Life = Wealth Potential: Assets (Land/Real Estate), Cash in the Bank, Manageable Debt, Stock Portfolio, Tithing/Giving, Quality Health Insurance/Health Care, Nice Vacations, Nice Cars, Retirement Plan, Positive Financial Legacy to Pass on to Future Generations

When I talk to students I make sure to tell them my wife and I have been married over 20 years. It's important for them to know that a true man marries a life mate to share love, build wealth, and provide for his family and community. This image of manhood is, unfortunately, new to many youth.

There's so much work to be done.

Sexonomics and poverty in the hood

2007-02-07T11:14:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had the honor of speaking to hundreds of 9th graders in Natchez, Mississippi, about, among other things, their sexual behavior. The following from HHH (p. 125) makes the point:

"Poverty is entrenched in the hood for many reasons, including teen pregnancy. Brothers & Sisters, we need to wake up and realize that sex and economics are intimately connected. My editor calls this 'sexonomics,' which is the impact of irresponsible sex on cash flow in the hood."

She says, 'When the court makes you pay to support a child that was conceived during a loveless one-night stand, that’s sexonomics. When you spend money on a date to get her into bed, that’s sexonomics. When you get on the pole and shake your money maker to make him pay, that’s sexonomics. When you spend money on medical care because of an STD that came from having unprotected sex with a person you didn’t know, was down low, or low down, that’s sexonomics. The impact of sexonomics is felt at both the micro and macro levels. The best way to build wealth is to have sex with one husband or wife for the rest of your life. In the African American community, love and money are more on the liability and loss side than the profit and assets side of the ledger.'

"We must continue to educate our teens on the consequences (negative and positive) of their sexual behavior, perhaps by tapping into their Hip Hop values of materialism, consumerism, and getting paid. If we show them how sex and pregnancies outside of marriage contribute to poverty, we may see their behavior change. In the meantime:
1. Black teens are more likely than white or Hispanic youth to have had sexual intercourse, to begin sexual activity at an earlier age, and to have had more than four sexual partners.
2. Although pregnancies for black teens (aged 15 to 19) declined 23 percent between 1990 and 1997, they still have the highest pregnancy rate among all major racial and ethnic groups and are more likely than other adolescents to have children outside of marriage. (Hispanic teens have the highest teen birth rate.)" (From the CDC's "2001 Youth Risk Behavior Survey" and "Births: Final Data for 2002," National Center for Health Statistics)

Hip Hop and the church

2007-02-04T09:02:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of working with teens and adults from the First Baptist Church of Bay Shore, NY, in their Building Strong Families conference. Hip Hop has become a serious issue for the church. What do we do about it? Hip Hop is where our children live and it’s not going away.

Youth constantly tell me that church is boring. They don’t like the old time songs. They feel that church folk want them to act and dress old.

Many youth don’t believe that the Bible is the only Word of God. Hip Hop spirituality is a collage of many beliefs – and this is where the church faces its biggest threat.

We cannot compromise on gangsta values in the church. The church believes in giving and tithing; gangstas take and consume. We believe in sex within marriage and monogamy; gangsta rap videos promote promiscuity, multiple sex partners, and orgies. We at least try to respect the opposite sex; gangstas rap is all about misogyny and gold digging.

Christ preached compassion and love; gangstas are cold and hard and their videos promote lust, hate, fear, and rage. Christ preached peace; gangsta videos are bathed in blood. Christ said to turn the other cheek; gangstas believe in 'an eye for an eye.' (HHH, p. 277)

We have to be uncompromising with the Word of God.

I don’t have all the answers, but I know one thing: we MUST keep a close eye on the trend of Hip Hop in the church. Our goal should be to rescue our children while keeping doctrine in tact.

The passion to read

2007-02-01T10:34:00.000-06:00

I've heard stories about how, at the turn of the 1900s, the desire to learn how to read was so great that our people put themselves in danger and made great sacrifices to ensure that they and their children could read. The washer woman roped her book to the fence so that she could read while working. Even the threat of death couldn't stop their burning desire to read. Why did our ancestors have such a passion to learn how to read? Here are some reasons:

1. They needed to know how to read Bible. Scripture provided hope and guidance for a people who were severely oppressed.

2. 40 acres and a mule. How many contracts were never executed because our people couldn't read them? Knowing how to read = getting paid.

3. Voting rights. Jim Crow prevented African Americans from voting if they couldn't read or even if their parents and grandparents couldn't read.

Why hasn't this desire to read manifested in the Hip Hop generation? Nothing has changed. We still need the hope and guidance scripture provides. More than ever, we need to know how to read our contracts, or we could lose our homes, jobs, cars, credit cards. As for the vote, has our declining literacy rates influenced the caliber of politicians we have voted into office over the past few decades? Hmmm....

Happy Black History Month!

2007-02-01T10:21:00.000-06:00

In honor of the first day of Black History Month, I thought I'd share with you some literacy statistics that we discuss in my School Is My Job training for teachers. During slavery, the fine for teaching a slave (a.k.a. African prisoner of war) how to read was $500. (If anyone knows how many thousands of dollars that converts to today's terms, please let me know.)

If a slave was caught learning how to read, the consequences were severe: beatings, loss of limbs, even death.

Now keep that in mind as you read the following. The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies and the National Assessment for Educational Progress chart the ups and downs of African American illiteracy.

1890: 3 of 5 blacks ages 14 years+ were illiterate
1910: illiteracy down to 33%
1930: Less than 1 in 5 blacks illiterate
End of World War II: illiteracy down to 11%
1959: illiteracy down to 7%
1979: illiteracy down to 1.6%

Now today:
Illiteracy up to 44%
2/3 of African American students and almost half of all children in the inner cities are functionally illiterate

Brothers & Sisters, this is a national crisis. This is about quality of life. This is about future earning potential (a.k.a. getting paid).

We've got to do a better job of convincing students that education is still the best game in town. When was the last time you heard a gangsta rapper promoting literacy in your town?

Entrainment vs. entertainment

2007-01-31T17:19:00.000-06:00

Last night I had the pleasure of speaking to the students and faculty of Wright State University in Dayton. We discussed a subject from the pages of HHH: gangsta rap as entrainment vs. entertainment.

When we watch gangsta rap videos, “we think we’re being entertained when we’re really being ‘entrained’—i.e., psychologically bonded to the negative elements. With repetitive ingesting of rap, our children’s thoughts and emotions become aligned with the lyrics and video images. When this happens, children begin to imitate the behavior they’ve entrained to.” (p. 53)

Have you ever wondered how it is that a dance that was created on the East Coast on Friday night ends up on the West Coast by party time Saturday night, if not sooner? Social entrainment is an artificial group harmony that occurs when the group is exposed to the same misinformation and miseducation about self and culture over time.

I don’t believe that the Internet and cell phones cause youth to think and act the same. Technology is just an agent of the entrainment process. We must look deeper. Why do our children entrain to the negative aspects of gangsta rap? If we can answer this question, we can begin to save them.

Entrainment to the gangsta values promoted in gangsta rap is one reason why parents are stressed out, why ministers are bringing Hip Hop into the church, and why educators are struggling to deal with their students’ poor academic performance and unmanageable classroom behavior.

Hypocrisy sightings

2007-01-30T08:27:00.000-06:00

In the current issue of Source magazine, Snoop Dogg (Calvin Broadus) calls himself a former gangsta. Whatz up with that? According to the gangsta creed, a gangbanger (G) swears to be a gangsta for life, and even the Old Gs must continue to rob, kill, rape, and hustle.

In the National Enquirer, Ice-T (Tracy Marrow), the lyrical cop killer now turned TV cop, admits he’s a hypocrite, a “big hypocrite.” He says he used to hate the cops when he was a Crip, but now that he’s gone “legit” and needs the cops to watch his house, he doesn’t hate them anymore. Ain’t that a trip?

You can't just up and quit being a gangsta. Only spies can move in and out of the game with such ease.

I've been telling you for years that the children of the hood are being set up by the PTBs (powers that be) and professional entertainers disguised as gangstas. After leading thousands, maybe millions of young people into the life via their music and public personas, these entertainers conveniently turn their backs on their creations. Not so simple for those young people who are now trapped in a lifestyle of violence, crime, thuggism, and incarceration, thanks in part to these Hip Hop pied pipers.

Drunk on junk

2007-01-29T07:20:00.001-06:00

Yesterday at the Apple Conference I talked to student leaders from around the country about how bling bling is a form of intoxication. An entire generation is drunk on junk. One of the hypocrisies I deal with in HHH is how gangsta rappers “love to promote the bling bling lifestyle in their music, but the hood they supposedly represent is characterized by poverty and unemployment” (p. 10).

Despite this glaring contrast, our children buy into the hype. While their rapper idols buy true bling valued at thousands of dollars, young people buy fake bling like glass earrings and pretend they’re diamonds. Within the span of 24 hours, 2 teachers from different parts of the country told us about students putting aluminum foil on their teeth as make-believe grills.

To understand our children, just look at the larger society. The entire country is addicted to bling bling, so why would our children be any different?

College athletes and intoxication

2007-01-28T16:38:00.000-06:00

Today I spoke at the Apple Conference in Indianapolis about the problem with drinking and drug abuse among college athletes. Over time the substances may change, but the problem remains the same. Drinking and doing drugs are often connected to hazing, sex, and violence. Freedom from parents makes our young adults lose their minds. How many of our A and B students turned into D and F students during their first semester away from home? Partying may have had something to do with it.

If they're not careful, they may end up dropping out of school altogether. Then what? Come back home to live with mom and pops? I don't think so.

High school graduation is a great rite of passage. But once students get to college, keggers, intoxication games, and hugging the toilet become the new rites of passage that "bond" them to other students on campus. Against this kind of peer pressure, parents no longer have much of a say.

It's going to take the entire campus and surrounding community (the village), working together to deal with this problem. My first suggestion: don't bring rappers to campus who promote drugs and alcohol in their music. Check!